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TUNE IN TO HEAR ABOUT
- The things that Sami attributes her fast success to
- Why you need to connect with your true why in business
- How you need to educate and upskill in order to grow your business
- Why you need to make the time and space for love when single
- How to keep your partnership or marriage alive and healthy during the juggle of life, business and kids
Sami Wunder is a leading international relationship and dating expert who specialises in working with ambitious, high-achieving women, helping them attract lasting romantic love. As the CEO of a thriving 7-figure business, Sami currently serves a highly engaged, global clientele of over 55K followers across 30 countries. Her clients range from a Hollywood celebrity to UK TV stars to CEOs, bankers, lawyers, doctors, renowned authors, leading entrepreneurs and more. Her core work philosophy is empowering ambitious women in their love lives who are looking to attract their soulmate, teaching high-value dating behaviours, feminine energy and the importance of dating with boundaries and an empowered diva mindset.
CONNECT WITH SAMI
Flori Pyke [00:01:18] Hello and welcome to Episode 59 of the podcast. OK. So, who is ready for a little love injection into their daily busy work life? I know I am because I know that all too often, I am the very first to say that sometimes it feels like as much as I absolutely love my husband of almost 10 years if you can believe it, it can sometimes feel like we're roommates. Honestly, just surviving the juggle of three kids including a baby the demands of work, life, etc. So, when Sami Wunder, leading international relationship and dating expert reached out to come aboard the podcast to talk all things on how to balance a healthy romantic life with a busy work life, I jumped at the opportunity. So, Sami, how are you? And welcome to the podcast.
Sami Wunder [00:02:08] Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Flori Pyke [00:02:11] Yeah. It's so great to have you aboard. It's certainly something quite unique that you do. So, it's pretty cool to have someone in your space come on the podcast. We certainly haven't had any guests even in your general space come on board the podcast so it's pretty cool. And, I thought maybe we could start by you sharing a little bit with our listeners around what exactly it is that you do and a bit around your story fundamentally.
Sami Wunder [00:02:39] OK. Thank you. Let's start with that. So, I am as you already introduced me, I am a relationship and dating expert and I specialise in working with highly ambitious and successful women and in helping them find lasting love. And, of course, also in helping them sustain it because that's another different ballgame altogether. So, in the last three years I've had over a hundred and thirty of my clients find soulmate love [Flori says "wow"] through my process. So, I know what I'm teaching works and I know that I am totally living my gift and purpose on the planet. And, so we don't only help and support successful ambitious single women or entrepreneurs in finding lasting love, we also support women who are married, in relationships in how to keep the fire alive, keep the intimacy going because intimacy is a messy territory. [Flori agrees] And, believe it or not I am so open about it that if I did not know the work that I'm teaching today, I would firstly not have been able to attract my husband. And, if I had by some stroke of luck attracted him, I would have killed it [Flori laughs] because I am the master of masculine energy. I have built a seven-figure company in three years and I can really do do do do do do do do do, which is a great strength of mine but just a few years ago when I was single and I was having a really hard time in my dating life and I couldn't figure out why the men fizzle out, why nothing moves forward into the real commitment area. Figuring out this masculine, feminine energetic balance was a game changer for me. And, basically, to cut the long story short, I have a Master’s in Public Policy. I'm a gold medalist economist by training. [Flori says "wow"] I gave up my job in the international development sector and became a love coach for God's sake. My parents were like "What's that?" because I figured out that it wasn't just me who was struggling in love. There are so many amazing, sensitive, intelligent women who go about rocking from one man to the next not knowing how to create a love that lasts, that supports them in their ambition. And, when I figured the messages out that I teach today, especially the balance of masculine and feminine within ourselves, it was a game changer for me. It brought Chris into my life and I realised that I had to go spread this message to thousands and not just keep it to myself. So, that's what I started to do. I've built my company. I took a certification. I got trained. And, ever since then I've been sharing my gift and there's been no looking back.
Flori Pyke [00:05:33] That's so cool. And, how long have you been doing what you do? And for the record, Sami has quite a track record of experience. You've appeared regularly in Business Insider Forbes, Time Magazine's Glamour. The Daily Mirror, The Metro, Cosmopolitan and more which is pretty incredible. You've also coached I understand a Hollywood celebrity as well as numerous TV stars, CEOs, bankers and the rest. So, it's pretty amazing. So, how long have you been doing this?
Sami Wunder [00:06:03] I've been doing this for three years. So, we've built a seven-figure company in three years and I have to say this is all about content and results. You don't get to be an overnight success. [Flori agrees] This is hard work. There is hard work behind it. But I think more than hard work, there is a recognition of the gift that I had and really sharing that authentically with the world. Because when you help shift women's lives or people's lives, it just comes back to you triple fold. And, I think we lead with results. Our clients get results. And, that's why we have the success we have. And, I'm so grateful for it.
Flori Pyke [00:06:43] Yeah. Absolutely. I mean that in itself obviously you know this is very much like a business-focused podcast. And, when you say that you have reached seven figures in three years, that's pretty incredible to be honest and very noteworthy. Can we just talk about that a little bit before we talk about all things love because [Sami laughs] obviously, you've got some serious insights to share here around how to do that because that's quite a trailblazing result in just three years, seven figures. So, I mean if you had to kind of pinpoint one or two things that have served you on your business journey the most I'd be really keen to, yeah, gleam some insights from you on that front.
Sami Wunder [00:07:25] Sure, I’m happy to. So, I think the first thing would be leading with the result. We really care about results and we really care about the fact that if someone comes to us, invests in our programs that they get the support, they get the information, they get the energetic shift that they are looking for so that they can get the results they've come to us for. So, I think in a very competitive online market I mean OK let's say that competition isn't really real when you are really living your energy in the world because every coach, every mentor is different in the energy they bring to their work in their company. [Flori agrees] So, that there's no competition. But, let's say at first sight, it's a very crowded online space. There are so many people doing the same thing. And I think the key to success in such a crowded online space is results, results, results [Flori agrees] really constantly honing and looking at your processes, see what is, because at the beginning of this work I realised that there were messages I wanted to give women around masculine-feminine intimacy, fears, you know not trying so hard with men, not performing so much with men. But then when I got closer to my client, I thought she had a completely different set of challenges than what I wanted to teach or talk to her about. I saw that she was inundated with in our work that she had no time for her love life. So, going back to a little bit to from where we started. And, so I had to constantly hone and restructure my processes so that I was really addressing the challenges women really had, not what I think they have not what I think they have but really addressing the challenges they have. So, I think leading with results, really speaking to the issues of your clients, not what you think they have but what they actually struggle with. That's been pretty much a game changer in my business. And, then of course, the second thing I would say when it comes to business success is to really walk your talk and lead with your energy. Because I believe your business is your energy. And, if you teach people self-care and you teach people self-love. And, if you teach people slow down and balance your masculine and feminine, then you freaking got to live it in your own life because today's consumer and today's customer is not a fool. They can feel it whether you are just you know doing bland marketing and trying to push something down their throat or are you actually embodying it and living it. So, if you teach how to build a successful business, embracing those principles that you teach yourself as well. [Flori agrees] So, I know this doesn't sound very strategic but really my business success I would say is not so strategic. It's more about energy if I'm honest because I don't have a team of 20 people. I don't have Facebook ads. We have like 1 free magnet that brings people in. I think it's our energy. We believe in our work. Anybody who comes in contact with the brand feels a difference very quickly with our programs. And, then they recruit people. They bring in their friends. So, yeah, I wouldn't say the success has been some strategy. I think it's been more energetic and heart-led.
Flori Pyke [00:10:54] That's quite phenomenal. I mean, you know, I guess having worked now with over 1000 clients across our programs in the last three and a half years, reaching seven figures on exactly like what you're saying in terms of energy is that's really amazing. But I also think that you're cutting yourself short because I think that you mentioned at one point you said it's about knowing what your clients actually have issues and problems around versus what they think. And, I think that is a clincher. Like it's obviously about doing that research element and really getting to understand the client and then creating something that responds and resonates with their needs. And, you have obviously done that really well and this is something that we teach a lot around is coming back to this whole age-old research element. I mean we teach it like we've just come back to it so many times because it really pertains not only to the clients that you attract but then to the products you create, the process you deliver. If you know the client and what they want and how they want to consume it then you will get results. And, that's obviously something that you've nailed. So, yeah, kudos to you. Actually, out of interest how many people are on your team, Sami?
Sami Wunder [00:12:14] So, we have four people on our team right now. I actually had seven at one point of time and I realised I was spending a lot of time managing them versus actually doing my core gift which is content creation. And, so we cut it down. We cut it down to core member team. [Flori says "OK cool"] And, I'm very happy now. I'm very happy. I love my ladies. [laughs]
Flori Pyke [00:12:38] Oh good! That's always a good thing. I mean I have to say we got a little team as well. I think there's ten of us in total. And, yeah, I feel the same like we're very privileged to have the team we have. And, when you feel that, it makes working and working with them such a privilege and a pleasure. So, I really agree that making that point that you're so happy with them is so fundamental, isn't it? Because it drives so much. I mean it drives exactly like your positive energy the results of the business. It's multi-layer, the impact that that has, right?
Sami Wunder [00:13:08] Absolutely. And, I think I never like to lock myself down in rules. I really do whatever the fish I feel like doing. [Flori laughs] I had a bigger team when I felt like I needed that. And, then I made experiments with it to figure out. You see I've been three years doing this so it's not like I have an MBA in business but I have now experience and I feel my way through stuff and I try new things out and I created a bigger team. I made it smaller now. And, in two years from now if need be, I can expand it again. You see like I get to change my mind because it's my business and I get to do whatever I want to do with it and run it the way it feels good to me. So right now, with a little kid at home and wanting to have another one in the near future, I do believe that I want to keep my stress levels very low. I don't want to get to work and find out new people and work with them. But, when I'm back in the game full style again after the next pregnancy, maybe I expand my team again. So, I think it's about really flowing with your heart and I think there's so much business advice out there. I didn't spend a lot of time researching on my ideal client if I'm honest and their problems. I heard them when I was talking with them so...
Flori Pyke [00:14:30] But, I think that's some of the most insightful research, having those in-depth conversations along with other elements of research. But I think literally exactly like hearing them and using that, copy, those words in your marketing and using that to sculpt your programs is like that's a weapon.
Sami Wunder [00:14:51] Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So, we get to change our minds. I think the key message I'm trying to get here is that you don't have to lock yourself down in rules and regulations of what's right. What's right is what's right for you and you need to feel your way through it and find it and then stick with it.and then you also get to change it if it doesn't feel right anymore.
Flori Pyke [00:15:13] Yeah. Definitely. I mean obviously fundamentally; you need to have a passion linked to what it is that you do. But I also think your ability to reach seven figures in three years is an anomaly that is not like you know it's sensational. It's extraordinary. It's not something you come across every day. And, I think that for a lot of people in small business, even though they have that passion they can't quite get those results and I think that once you exhaust you know trying to do all the things on your own then it's probably likely that even though you have that underlying passion and energy, you might want to tap into a bit of business strategy and you know you might have to seek some help because often even though you have the passion if you don't have the business skills and the nouse, it can be very difficult to get to six figures let alone seven figures. So, what you've done is quite extraordinary. I also think though, I mean you mentioned that you've won a gold medal in economy, is that right. [Sami agrees] So, you're obviously a bit of a numbers nerd which I love. So, that also makes me think that you are quite across everything that's numbers and data and data is power. So, like talk me through that and how that's impacted your business as well when it comes to the number side of things.
Sami Wunder [00:16:34] I think that's a great question and I 100 percent agree with you that at some point we all need mentorship and we all need; you know it's not enough to have the passion and the belief. [Flori agrees] I believe that is the raw material for success. But then, the raw material needs moulding. It needs honing. It needs to show up in a certain way. And, over the years I've worked with really high level mentors myself and they've taught me how to look at my business as a business because it started as a corner shop you know like a really excited person selling [Flori laughs] my coaching and my product and I think they could change your life. And, then of course, as the business grew really fast because the ingredients were right, because the gift was there, because I was with my purpose, because I had solid content and expertise, very quickly started to grow into something that was hard to manage then. And, so of course, I took you know strategic advice as well and I think one of the biggest things I had learned to do and I'm still learning to do if I'm honest is to look at my company as a company. You know it's so easy for us women to make everything so personal and you know not crunch the numbers. I just want to serve everyone instead of serving the right people because we are helpers, healers, mentors and we have that desire to make a difference in the world but over time I have learned the importance of wanting to only work with people who are really a match for where I am in my life, in my vibrational energy, who are ready to step up on their game. I am not here to save everyone. I'm not here to help you if you don't want to help yourself. So, I think it was a lot of strategic advice as well. So, I'll give it to you on that. And, when it comes to numbers and data, we are still not the best at that, I have to confess. I'm still very heart-led and I think there is scope of improvement there. So, when it comes to measurement and numbers we could definitely do better. We're just lazy. Because we're doing really well, I'm really lazy but I know at some point [Flori laughs] we're going to hit a plateau and that is going to be the key to you know time to do more data, do more numbers and I'll probably hire someone new to do that and I get them resisting that at some level because I'm happy, really happy with our growth right now. But I do totally agree with you that numbers, measurement, being able to look at as our services a business like not just some corner shop that we are running but a company is something bigger than ourselves. Having a vision for it and showing up with that professionalism is so important.
Flori Pyke [00:19:23] Yeah. No, you're totally talking my language like having that shift in your mindset right and giving yourself that space and ability to back yourself in more than just oh it's just a little me exactly doing this little old thing because when you start to really embrace that bigger picture vision. Actually, you know what, I am an entrepreneur. I'm running a seven-figure business. Even if it's six figures, gosh even if it's five figures like that is where this stuff starts. It starts with having that vision and talking the talk and really giving yourself permission to speak that way because you know what, you really get what you project. And, so if you're projecting and you're playing small, that's what you're gonna get in return. So, it's all about really harnessing and visualizing that big picture vision and playing big right from the outset. So, I totally love that. And, then you really talked a lot around niche and I so agree like you just cannot be all the things to all people because if you try to do that, you're gonna waste so much time and energy and it is going to be a complete disservice to you instead you're way better off honing on a specific pool of people. So, that's just magic what you said there. Now, obviously, you've got a lot of clients. You said you don't use Facebook ads. So, how are you getting these people now?
Sami Wunder [00:20:48] We do use Facebook ads. We have.
Flori Pyke [00:20:49] You do. But, not very much. You said, sorry, you don't use very... Yeah you got one campaign.
Sami Wunder [00:20:54] Yeah yeah. One campaign each. There's one for single women, one for women in relationships and married women. So, how do we get new people? I think there's a huge amount of referrals coming in.
Flori Pyke [00:21:05] OK. And, do you drive those in any way, shape or form or it's all organic?
Sami Wunder [00:21:10] I just drive myself Florencia. [both laugh] No, I show up as the diva that I am and [Flori says “I love it."] I serve with all my heart and it touches people. And, so you can think of one woman coming into interaction with us bringing five, six of her friends in the game and it just shows you that the problem I'm solving for people, women, because I work with women is so needed. People are really tired, exhausted. Women are amazing, sensitive, intelligent, have success, have homes, drive luxury cars and don't have a man. And, I don't mean to say this in the form of a scarcity mindset that oh she doesn't have a man. It's speaking to the woman who has everything going on for her but somehow this aspect of her life just doesn't work out. So, I think the fact that so many people come to us is because we are serving in a niche that is really pertinent, that is really relevant and that really shifts people's lives when they get results. So, someone has a success with us, just the hundred thirty plus women who've gotten engaged. We've had hundreds of women who found committed relationships, right? So, they're just bringing in so many women. And, of course, then Facebook ads is working reasonably OK, right? I mean it could be better in terms of lead generation. We also have a really active private Facebook group.
Flori Pyke [00:22:38] OK. And, is this for like nonmembers, like prospects?
Sami Wunder [00:22:43] Yeah. I don't look at it that way because in the beginning I was really invested there. I was really sharing my expertise and sharing my tips there. Of course, over the years now it's been very energetically engaging and I can't afford to give it that much energy. I have more than enough clients to serve. So, I think my presence on the group has decreased but still like it's a nurturing place for so many of our clients because they see the impact. You see I work in a field where women are still very secretive about my services. Like, so many of my clients you know the Hollywood celebrity or the UK TV show expert. They don't come out and say I've worked with Sami get my man. Now, of course, this is also a trend we are really shifting and we're encouraging women that there's no shame in having a love coach. If you're struggling you know ask for help. [Flori agrees] It's OK to ask for help. I took help. I figured this out. You know you can do it too and there's no shame in it. But still, we have a crowd that is still a little secretive about the fact that they use these services. And, so the privacy of the Facebook group gives them that safe forum, to open up and to engage which they wouldn't do otherwise. They wouldn't open up on a Facebook page or they wouldn't open up on a Facebook ad. [Flori agrees and says "I appreciate what you're saying"] And, I wouldn't because I served and worked with one of LinkedIn's top social media voices of 2019. I worked with that woman. You know, I can't expect these women to be engaging with my Facebook ads.
Flori Pyke [00:24:19] Yes. No, I appreciate it. Yeah. Definitely. Like it's a personal thing, right? And, so that Facebook group gives them kind of like the space and the house to personally be able to connect with other people in a way that they feel protected but they can be more open than just in a public arena. I completely like appreciate the point that you're making. OK. So...
Sami Wunder [00:24:43] And we have fierce boundaries, fierce boundaries. Like fierce boundaries of the group. So, we'd like remove people who are aggressive.
Flori Pyke [00:24:51] Yeah. Right. But that's good. I think every you know; I think that is the makings of a successful Facebook group like you really do have to monitor it and make sure that you're creating the right community for your business. Otherwise, it won't work. So, I think that's great that you're doing that you know and that's obviously what's driving the success of that as a means to nurture your prospects but also evidently you know what turns into your clients. So. OK. That's awesome. OK. So, we've talked a little bit around your seven figures in three years which I'm still like holy moly. My jaw is still on the floor. [Sami says "Thank you."] But, let's talk a little bit around love. OK. And, honestly, I open this podcast giving an introduction where I really candidly shared like which I'm sure most of us listening whether you have a partner, a wife, a husband. It's true like it's really challenging I think when you own and run a business of your own to juggle the demands of that and either finding true love because no one has time these days or you know giving your partner, wife, husband the love that they deserve and balancing that with potentially kids in the mix, like it's a lot of balls that we're juggling in this day and age. So, do you have any tips for us in terms of, tips, techniques, in terms of how to do that better, I guess? And keeping... Maybe this is a two-pronged question, right? It's like how do you find that true love if you haven't? And then, how do you kind of keep the fire alive if you've already found that true love and you're married or you've got a serious partner?
Sami Wunder [00:26:36] OK. Great question. And, personally I want to say that as a CEO and mummy, wife like myself, I totally can relate with it. I think it's very real. I also don't think that... you know honestly when I was not a mum yet and I was just happily married to Chris, I used to make faces and all these mums who were complaining about falling sick often and kids often falling sick and I thought oh God, be more positive. And, now when I have a little one and he comes back with the most exotic viruses every week [Flori laughs and says "I love that you call them exotic. It's so true, right?"] We follow up with like falling sick after him. And, then when he's sick, he doesn't want to be with the baby sitters. He just wants mum and dad. It's like I want to pull my hair out and I have so much empathy. I have so much empathy for all the mums. I think we rock and we're amazing at pulling all of this off together. And even dads, I mean our men are amazing, too. They're in it with us. So, all hats off to them. OK. So, let's talk with the non-mums. The non-mums and the entrepreneurial single mums. Well, I believe the first thing I want to say is stop saying there's not enough time because that's a story you tell yourself. [Flori says "Yes. I love it."] That's a story. It's a limiting story and it's a story you tell yourself. And, if you keep saying this to yourself, your subconscious mind starts to believe that there really is no time. [Flori agrees] And then, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you believe subconsciously there's no time is the evidence that you see in your life. [Flori agrees] So, I actually believe that the President of Germany Angela Merkel and celebrities shoot for 14 days their film back to back, I think we all have the same amount of time. We have all had the same amount of time. So, if the President of Germany can eat, sleep, conduct high level meetings and we can do it too because we all have the same amount of time, right? [Flori agrees] So, I don't believe that there is not enough time is real. It's a false story. And, that's the first thing you have to be willing to change. Because if you're not willing to change your story, you are not going to be able to change anything around it, around your life as well. [Flori agrees] So, if Beyonce can be happily married [Flori says "I was gonna say Beyonce, yes."] You know honestly, for my clients, it's me. If Sami can be a seven figure CEO have a life, have a son and still be a kick ass business owner then I could do it too. [Flori agrees] If you can relate with examples far away from home, find examples around you [Flori agrees] that inspire you. There are people around you that are doing it all and are still able to remain sane and happy and be inspired by them. Don't be skeptical because I think a lot of us who are struggling to make that time for our private lives, we like to look at other success stories with skepticism and like oh there's something not right there. Maybe they're not as happy as they look on social media. [Flori laughs] You know because I'm miserable here, they must be miserable, too. And, so, just changing that story, allowing yourself to feel inspired by people who do have it all which is success and love. And, number three, blocking time for your private life. I think single women need to block time on their phone to make time for dates, make time for meeting men. This is an imperative. And, in my work I say, if it's not on your phone it's not happening. So, it has to be put down on your phone because we lead such intense lives these days with so much social media, Facebook, constantly checking our emails you know, our mind space is so crowded. So, everything, just like you put down your client appointments in your calendar and you will never miss them, you’ve got to become that serious about your love life. Now, here's the thing. I have clients I am serving who are 40 years old, 50 years old and I can tell you sitting where I'm sitting that these women come back and they ask me where did life fly by? Where did life fly by? How come I was working so much and never paid attention to this aspect of my life? And, I don't want this to happen to you. And, this will not happen to you if you just stopped today after listening to this podcast and reflect. What is it that is really really important to you? What is it that's really really important to you? And, this is also true for me. This is true for Florencia. What is it that is really important to us as women, right? When we are on our deathbeds and I know it sounds like an exaggeration but let's go with it for a moment. Are you going to care about not having that one client or not having made enough money or are you actually going to be caring about the fact that you're surrounded by people who love you, you have children who adore you, think the world of you. You have a man who thinks you're the queen of his heart. What is it that really matters? And, I think if we really stop and reflect and ask ourselves, what is it that really matters, we just see how important our personal lives are, how important our personal happiness is. And then, we suddenly see how big a disbalance there is and how much time, attention, energy goes to work and how little time, attention, energy goes to our love life. It's just completely disbalanced, right? But we first need to stop, slow down and reflect what is really important to me. And, once you have that realisation that yes work is important. It's where I live my potential, live my gifts and I do want to do that but this is equally important. This is not less important. Maybe even a little more important. Yeah And then you see that and you see the disproportionate amount of time, attention, energy you spent on work and how little you spend for your personal life, it's gonna become so clear to you that more needs to go into this department. And so, for single women who want to have a family, really want to have that cushion of love when they come back home, I think it's so important that you intentionally make time for it just like you make time for the gym, just like you made for your friends. It's really as simple as that. So, anyone saying I don't have time for dating is living in a disempowered story and that's what needs to change there first and foremost.
Flori Pyke [00:32:57] Yeah. I mean what's that saying like the grass grows where you water it, right? And, like you're totally speaking to that truth. It's like if you don't make the time or space to lift this as a priority, it's not just going to land in your lap. And, I think that probably holds true more than ever in today's world where like things are just moving at such a fast pace, right? And, it's not like your age old, oh I'm going to go to the bar and in some cases it is, right? Like the guy across the bar might buy a drink but then you're competing against the likes of his phone pinging at him from every which dating site with every which woman. And, that's easy, you know. So...
Sami Wunder [00:33:40] Yeah, it's so true. It's so true. And, I think honestly some of us have been lucky enough to like just go to a park and attract an amazing man and he becomes our husband. But for me, it wasn't the same. I had lots. I was in hyper-masculine energy around men. I was living for my ego. I was trying to prove an audition and perform for men. It was exhausting. So, I had blocks and I needed to actively work on those blocks because I truly believe love is everywhere. And, for some of us who had happy childhoods, happy families, you know we've been lucky to have good role models in our fathers and our mothers. You know for us love life may not look that hard. You know I have a lot of women who just attract amazing love by doing one of my EUR 397 Attract Your Soulmate Program. It's EUR 397. And, women have gotten married using it simply because they had a few blocks. They went there. They got it. They went away and they got that result. But some others work with us for a much longer time because they have much deeper blocks. So, I don't know, the woman who was listening to this right now may not need a lot of help, but some of us do and if we don't do anything about it if we don't address our blocks. They're always going to be there. Nothing's gonna shift and nothing's going to change. So, this you have to actively look at this aspect of your life. Take responsibility for it. Take ownership for it and take action and do something about it.
Flori Pyke [00:35:10] Yeah. No. It's so true. Like it's not going to happen unless you do something about it. You have to choose to take that action and then things will happen, but you have to make the time and space to choose to take that action as well like you said before. OK. I love it. Those are some really great tips. And, what about on the other hand? So, this is where I'm like really warming up to hear for myself, right? I'm married. Love my husband. We've been married for almost 10 years. And, I'm one of those lucky people. You know we met when I was eight years old and we met in school. [Sami laughs] I know it's crazy. And, we dated and then we didn't date and then we got back together and then we didn't date and then we got back together when I was, I think 21 and ever since we've been together and I'm now 22. No, I'm just kidding. I wish. [laughs] I'd rather not say my age anyway but you can kind of do the maths. So, I, exactly, like so what about those of us who kind of fall in this pool where we are married, we're running a business. You know we may or may not have kids. My point is we are so busy. And, how do we maintain that fire and connection with our partners when we're being pulled every which way? We're exhausted. It's like the last thing I want to do sometimes is even have a chat like he'll come home at 7p.m. I'll just put the kids down and then I have to like getup the energy again to kind of talk and I'm just like I literally need to defrost like I don't even want anyone to talk to me right now. I just need a glass of wine and like just to deflate you know what I mean.
Sami Wunder [00:36:46] I know. I totally hear you. Do you have any child support?
Flori Pyke [00:36:49] Yeah. I have a nanny. And, then my eldest goes to school. And, my second eldest, she is at pre-school. But this whole nanny thing is kind of a new thing for us to be honest because then we have the 9-month-old baby. But I guess like just generally speaking for people who fall in this pool because I know there's quite a few of us, you know who are the female entrepreneurs, who are juggling all the balls. Any advice kind of on how to keep the fire alive in your relationship with your wife, with your partner, with your husband would be awesome.
Sami Wunder [00:37:22] OK. Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I give really a hundred brownie points to every woman who can openly be vulnerable and share [Flori laughs] because I think that itself is so brave, right? Like I just love it that you can talk so freely and openly about it because I think many people can relate with it. So, I think the first thing that I want to say to you is presence. Presence in your relationship. So, what do I mean by presence in your relationship? I mean that you don't have to spend four hours having deep conversations with your man. Though if you have that luxury, that's amazing. But, some of us don't and especially not on an everyday basis. It can happen once a weekend or something like that.
Flori Pyke [00:38:03] Yeah. That's not the norm. Like the seven o'clock thing is not the norm. But exactly like I see what you're saying though. Yes, presence. So, don't be on your mobile you mean whilst you're having a conversation. OK. [laughs]
Sami Wunder [00:38:14] Yeah. Let's talk about what presence looks like. So, presence for us for example, 7p.m. max 7:30 p.m. is the device off range. And, honestly, when I started it, I felt like I'd go crazy. I would go crazy. It was almost like a drug addiction that is played out. Like if I didn't pick up my phone and didn't check my messages or my Facebook notifications, I felt like I would die. [Flori laughs] But guess what, I survived it and I'm here and that did a ton of good to our relationship. So, in the evening, you know my husband has a very important full-time job. He works with the German aerospace industry. He's an important man. Because entrepreneurship is not like a normal job. You see when he leaves work, he leaves it. Whereas because my office is at home, you know I don't have a clear boundaries. I don't have any... My work can just trickle into my private life.
Flori Pyke [00:39:13] Yeah. That's the exact same as me.
Sami Wunder [00:39:15] Yeah. Exactly, right? So, I think it's so important. And, Chris, I'm grateful to my husband for pulling me up on it because he said this can't go on like this. Like I miss you. I miss seeing your face and miss spending time with you. Like you can't just go and because we have so many American clients and I'm based in Europe, evening is when it really starts for me. [laughs]
Flori Pyke [00:39:35] Yeah. Oh. But often like last night, I was coaching clients from 7:30 till 9:30 p.m. So, I totally hear you. Yeah.
Sami Wunder [00:39:45] And, you know what I did. I have so many tips. I'm jumping from one thing to another [Flori says "Good. Give all the tips."] but let's stick with presence and I'll also talk about the business aspect in just a moment. OK. So, what we both realised is that if we did not nurture our relationship, it will start to suffer and I'm a relationship and intimacy expert myself. So, I know this. It's just that I'm a human being too so I forget it when it comes to applying it to my own life. So, we said no device after seven. I pushed it to seven thirty because I was like OK let's have some room for play. But after that, really, I give him my phone and he hides it. He hides it. [laughs] I give him my phone and he hides it. And he hides it in such places that I really don't know where to find it. So, I'm fine. Forget it. So, that's how we started doing this. We made a game out of it. He would hide my phone. I would hide his phone and then we were device free and phone free. And then, whatever we decided to do, we decided amongst ourselves. Movie night, just sit in the garden and talk and connect or how was your day. You know even enjoy a glass of wine together but that was time for us and not for business clients no matter how much they wanted me and needed me. So, device free presence is really important. And, again if there is any story going around, I can't afford to do this. That's a story. Yeah. Because if I can do it, if my clients can do it, then everyone can do it. It takes intention. It takes discipline but you can do it. So, that's the first thing. The second thing is we need, you know intimacy is not always bombastic sex every night. Sometimes, intimacy can look like having that one moment before he leaves the house to just give him that really warm smile and look deep into his eyes and say I love you. Yeah. So, presence and intimacy is not always in big gestures which we often relate to it. We think intimacy in a romantic relationship is all about bringing her big bouquet of flowers, taking her out to a five-star three course dinner, and then there is magic in the relationship. But I disagree. I think magic in the relationship can be found in very small little acts of kindness and loving gestures [Flori agrees] which we can introduce in our relationships on a daily basis. Just before he leaves the house, never let him leave the house without a kiss. And, an I love you. Yeah. Just never do that and make it a rule. We've made it a rule. Nobody leaves the house without love you and a kiss.
Flori Pyke [00:42:23] Sometimes you just don't feel like doing that though. [laughs]
Sami Wunder [00:42:29] OK. It's funny. When you say you don't feel like doing it, is there hidden resentment in the relationship?
Flori Pyke [00:42:35] It depends on the day. You know I'm sure we all like you got your days you know. It's like if you've been doing the kids all week and it comes to Friday and you're exhausted like at the moment, right? Like prime example we've been through the throws of school holidays, right? So, got three kids. Yeah. And, like still running the business with Anna like it's intense, right? And, you're just like it's not anyone's fault but sometimes you feel and I'm sure I can speak on the behalf of so many of us like there is sometimes it’s like a grain, if not like you know boulder rock of resentment, there's a graded scale you know and this is not every day but we all have our days is when I'm saying. So, what do you do on those days that you just don't feel that, you just force yourself?
Sami Wunder [00:43:23] No no. I think in those days intimacy looks like being vulnerable with your man.
Flori Pyke [00:43:29] Yeah. Yeah. No. That's such good advice. And just saying what's happening and how you're feeling, right? Yeah.
Sami Wunder [00:43:35] Yeah. And, without blaming because men shut down when we blame them and make them responsible but they love to be our heroes. So, you're just simply leaning your head on his shoulder and saying I am so freaking tired [Flori agrees] and I just want to give up. It's a much more intimate relationship than you shutting down and being resentful and being angry with him that he's not able to mindread what's going on with you and offering support because men are not so good at reading our needs as we are. You know as a woman, if I saw you, I would be able to figure out what's going on with you simply because I'm a woman myself and I'm very much in touch with my feelings side which men are not. They're different. They're not women and their brains are different. They look, they talk different. They love differently than us. So, emotional intimacy in such a moment would look like being able to embrace your imperfect day and your imperfect feelings and letting him see that without making him responsible, without making him wrong, right? I say women are the emotional leaders in the relationship. [Flori agrees] If you shut down and if you say I just want a glass of wine and I want to defrost and I don't want to talk to anyone. Then, what are you doing there? [Flori laughs] You are suppressing your own feelings. Yeah. You are suppressing intimacy with yourself. And, you suppress intimacy with yourself when you don't want to feel the shit you're feeling because you're tired, exhausted, disconnected. You're just uhhhh, frustrated from today. When you suppress intimacy with yourself, you also suppress intimacy in your relationship because he can see that something's going on. [Flori laughs] But her doesn’t know what. And what he doesn't know is going on, he can't solve it. He can't fix it, so over a period of time he starts to feel helpless. He starts to feel like he'll never make you happy. He starts to feel like you know this is not working out and that's the dangerous zone. So, the dangerous zone is it's not you saying I feel really tired and exhausted today. This is all too much. The danger zone is you shutting down and then you sort of putting a lid on the intimacy in the relationship. Because what is intimacy? It's being able to see each other. It's being able to see andknow what's going on with each other and being able to love and support each other to that. But we, women, you know we shut it down. We don't ask for help and we don't express. So, every time we feel like that resentment is building up, it's your warning sign to open up more to your partner because guess what, he would love to be there for you and maybe he still has to go to work and he can stay back and help you with the kids but at least he can give you emotional support. At least, he can be that shoulder you lean on. But he has to know what's going on. He can't mindread.
Flori Pyke [00:46:25] Yeah. No, I love it. I think that's really great advice. So, yeah. I'm mentally taking all the notes, Sami. So, thank you. And, I'm sure a lot of our listeners are as well. And, look it's been, I'm going to start wrapping up now because I just realised we've been chatting for close to an hour and I have loved this. It's been phenomenal picking your brains on all things business but also love. I've had so much fun. So, to that end actually before we start to wrap up, I'd love for you to share with us where our listeners can find out more about you. And, if you have like any freebies or anything that we can subscribe to to gleam you know more genius and expertise from you. This is the time.
Sami Wunder [00:47:08] Awesome. OK. So, thank you for this opportunity. You can find me on samiwunder dot com. I just want to spell it out because the Wunder is not Wander. It's not an English word, it's a German word "wunder". So, it's S A M I W U N D E R samiwunder dot com and I'm very happy to share freebies, free gifts with your tribe. So, for our single women, we have a training on leaning back with men. It's a video training where I teach women how they can embrace their feminine energy around their man and stop being the one in the pants controlling, driving, doing everything and getting angry with him that he doesn't do it. So, I'm going to teach them how to lean back and also give them my free guide The Six Steps to Soulmate Attraction and what has worked so beautifully for me and for my clients. For women in relationships, I would be very happy to give them a class on communication, so intimate communication with our men. I call it Speak To His Heart because that's what this is about. You see men are so huge on feeling respected, feeling wanted and so many times, I know this is a beautiful quote from Rumi that in all that is said and not meant and all that is meant and not said, so much love is lost. So much love is lost in all that is said and not meant and all that is meant but not said, so much love is lost and so communication is one of the big clues of intimate relationships and I will be very happy to share that with your tribe as a free gift.
Flori Pyke [00:48:52] OK. I love it. Thank you. So, we'll get those links from you later and pop those in the show notes. So, to that end for our listeners to get your hands on those links to the freebies and the show notes as well to learn more about Sami please head over to theelevatory.com/podcast and we normally end with a bit of a parting thought. But I feel like you just shared that. I really like that quote that you just shared so I'm going to I'm going to go with that. I think that was really a great summary of a lot of what you've taught us today in this episode. So, thank you so much Sami. I've really enjoyed this time with you.
Sami Wunder [00:49:31] Thank you so much for asking such amazing heartfelt questions. I love being here.
Flori Pyke [00:49:35] OK. Thanks, so much hun. And, to our listeners, ladies remember always to elevate your business game.
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